#mentalhealth

Navigating Anger and Faith: A Candid Conversation on Suffering and God’s Goodness

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The man who sat across from me stood up and nodded his goodbye. Ruth, the woman beside me, went back into her book. Earlier when I walked over, she had offered a warm smile and we had started talking. Found out she was another Brit who had lived in Nigeria. She was here with her husband and their former church family and they drove over from Cardiff to Shepton Mallet .

Burrowing further into the warm sofa, I retreated into my cocoon. My phone was back at the tent and there was nothing to do but soak in this stillness.

Soon enough he walked over carrying a bowl of food with coffee and she did the introductions. Peter was his name. Then we got talking.

“Amara, can I ask?” he shifted closer to me

I arched an eyebrow at him and saw his wife smiling.

“You spoke about how you moved through the spectrum in your cancer journey from anger to gratitude and now at ease with God. Do you still get angry at him?

I smiled.

“Sometimes. Even yesterday I was”.

“Well, I am currently very angry with God. Not for myself but I am lamenting over the pain and sufferings all around. I am 62 and probably should not be saying this but that is right where I am now”

I threw back my head and guffawed enough to draw some glances

“Why are you laughing?” he asked

“Do you remember those guys I was with at that table when I left you earlier? I looked at his wife. She nodded. “we talked about lamentations and how to respond to trials. So I find it funny that twice in one evening, I am meeting two different sets of people at a Christian event talking about lamentations”

“What did you guys talk about?” the husband inquired of me

I gave him a summary.

“Well, I am also there right now and I refuse to be shamed with the picture of Job. I have been talking to a pastor mentor of mine and this morning we still had this conversation. He tells me it is okay to be vulnerable and mad at God that he can handle it”

“Precisely my point!” I pumped the air I like your mentor already

“I must start by saying he is a good God, he does not do bad things yet he allows it and that is my grouse with him” Peter remarked.

“We just lost a friend of ours. She was 57 and she died of …..he stalled a bit and looked at me apologetically…I smiled because I somehow seemed to know what was coming…”cancer”

I nodded

“She was a believer. Had so much faith and trust. We all had these prayers going on for her and yet God called her home. We just buried her

“Another friend, a pastor, lost his 17-year old son recently to cancer. He was a jolly kid who loved the Lord and people. We all hoped he was going to make it. Right now, his father is losing it. He does not want to hear anything about God while his mother’s faith is ……….. Part 2

Embracing Vulnerability: Reimagining the Relationship with God in Trials – 2

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Did you miss Part 1? Here.

 

……that God left us examples of people who cried out as they struggled;

  • Elijah
    Jonah
    Jeremiah

“All these men despaired enough to voice their grievances. Yet God stooped down to engage and assuage each one”

“Why did he not get angry enough to shush them up and make them be big boys and deal with it themselves? 

He sent Elijah food. Built Jonah a shade from the scorching sun. If the manufacturer of a product realises how tiring it can get for his creatures and their need for support during trials who are we to ask them to suck it up?”

I looked around the table as all 8 pairs of eyes glued on me

“I throw tantrums because I am a child and he is my father. That is the basis of our relationship. I am not his hired help who would tiptoe stoically around him and then go back and complain to others. If I have an issue with his parenting style, then he has to hear how I feel”

“That is an interesting angle” Bill replied with a tinge of a smile curving his lips while Phil slumped back and picked up his coffee cup

“Yes. If you are my father then based on our relationship, I should be able to get away with some privileges. If I ask questions of you or challenge your decisions, you are not going to disfather me, are you?”

“Nonetheless, while you can take that from me at home, if your staff at the office who happens to be my age mate throws a similar tantrum, would you respond to her like to me?”

I saw comprehending nods

“I am tired of Christians shutting up others over how to relate to God. It is like someone coming into your house and critiquing your parenting style. I mean, out there on the streets some stranger might take that liberty but not when you come into my house would you dare”

“That is exactly what we do when we tell others how to respond to God during their trials. I’m not sure which god is in contention here, but my father-God is a big boy who can handle his daughter’s tantrums. He does not require his staff to tell him or his daughter how to relate to each other”

“I also think we stifle vulnerability in the church and make people become robots. How can those who are without or new arrivals even relate if we keep telling them that this kingdom is ruled by a dictator?

“Is he not?”

“He may be an autocrat but not a despot”

“Even despots still put up with their children and I think parents always have a thing for that child with the rebellious streak who stands up to them” The professor smiled as we all stood.  

Facing Challenges: Valuable Lessons from Kayaking for Life and Business

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This is a post from my Facebook archives. I shared it with my social media family during the summer of 2017. 

 

I am resharing as one of those days during Chemotherapy a friend called me up and reminded me of how inspiring I have always been.  Then shared this link.   I  represent it here six years later for 2 reasons:

  • As I read through, It hit me that even in a battle with the monstrous cancer, these lessons remain timeless.

 

  • And to see if my writing style has evolved over the years.



I spent last Saturday on the Lagos Lagoon during a Kayaking session.  You probably know that already if you follow me on Social Media.


It was a fun afternoon spent crossing another item off my list.

 

Oh, sure, I do have a list.  A list made up of fun things I want to do. Some of them I should have done earlier but I was shackled under the What-If fear.  You can call it a handbag instead of a bucket list afterall you can tote a bag around easily. 

 

Yeah, I was talking about my Kayaking venture.  

 

Dear reader, it was such an awesome experience.  I had so much fun.  Such unquantifiable fun and so many lessons kept popping up during that period that I marvelled at how I could glean such lessons while stuck in no man’s water.

Well, you know by now that whenever something pops in my head, I think of you to share. And because of that, I have made this list of these 10 lessons which you could apply to your life or business:

 

  • Face that fear: when the news about going on the deep waters broke in my Fitness Group, more people backed down from Aquaphobia than Moneyphobia.  It was good to see that people who could fly on air, put their bodies through all sorts of contortions, and run a self-imposed range of 5km to a full marathon could shy away from merely going to exercise on water.  [Honestly, after my surgery in the weeks preceeding chemo, I caught the fear bug]

 

  • Listen to an experienced hand: before we went on the water, we had a debriefing session.  The old man worked on our minds and prepared us for the adventure.  I asked the most questions of all and at a stage, one of the team members had to shush me that my questions were too much and fear-inducing.  But all I was doing was empowering myself with a SWOT analysis. He enunciated the things to look out for and how to behave at each circumstance.  He reinforced the reason why people topple over into the water and how to act if you do fall in. How to behave and sir it out when a bigger vessel roughens up the water and your boat is being tossed to and fro. [The hospital organised a course titled demystifying chemo. All through treatment, her head kept ringing in my head each time something new occurred]

  • When your Boat topples, stay afloat:   One of the fears most of us expressed was what to do in such an eventuality.  He said a simple thing – your body will be in the water but your head will keep bobbing thanks to the life jacket.  So all you had to do was assume the prayer position until help came.  We saw that play out when a guy toppled and had to remain like that until help got to him. Can your logical mind imagine a simple thing like palms together with face up will save your life?  So it also is in life where you  realize your boat will flip over once or twice on this journey. [During treatment, some days I fell into the water, other days I remained afloat]

 

  • Your response while inside the waters determines your survival.  Read the rest here
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Letter To Lucifer

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Hello Lucifer, My grandfather, Reverend David Nwokocha, died at 100+ years.  He could not stand the boredom after his wife left. My grandmother, Mama-Ukwu was 87 when she bowed out with dignity My mother SUB, a septuagenarian is still here. My father SI ran off at 74.  His soul became weary after the accident and … Read more

Why Emotional Intelligence can sabotage you

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“You seem to be very high on managing your emotions” “yes, I have a very high emotional quotient” “and I see it is helping you a lot on this journey” “somehow” I whispered across the lines “care to explain?” he prodded “Well, I choose to see the pluses in my situation because there are a … Read more