If you acknowledge that; Christ died on the cross, descended into hell, rose from the dead ascended into heaven where he is seated at the right hand of God the Father and making intercessions for you Why then do you say bring it all to the foot of the Cross? Who is at the Cross? How can a king seated and holding court still be on the cross? Kings hold court & adjudicate in palaces Have you never paused to think about it? What other belief have you held all your life without questioning? You have fought over, clung on to, regurgitated

"I feel like my cancer has not really gone away. I see it as a tiger lurking under the tree close by and waiting to pounce on me. So it keeps me on edge not knowing when I would cross paths with her or when she would pounce" Most people around the table nodded in comprehension. I had goosebumps. It was such a strong analogy. Painfully vivid and disempowering. I felt angry at such a burden. As if the initial attack by cancer is not enough, now you carry the extra burden of tiptoeing through life. And that anxiety for me, is

It all started with this one leaf. The plant was acting up. My Philodendron which bloomed throughout the winter and spring, was now withering in summer. Within weeks it all shriveled. "Why would you survive the harsh winter then refuse to thrive now?" I kept being nice to it but since it was determined to die, I tossed it out.   However, on an impulse; I went outside and picked off the only surviving leaf. Popped it inside a tiny bottle without any expectations. Merely curious to see what happens.

Dear Bambi Today November 6, is your mother's first birthday after you disappeared. That means her first birthday in 25 years without you. My heart breaks for her. Today, more than in the past 5 months. You changed the dynamics of our relationship when you left. I now dance around her. Like walking on eggshells.  Including conscientiously reminding myself not to address her as 'Iya Bambi' mistakenly. And trust me, that is a very difficult thing to do after more than 20 years. The other day I called her Oke and it sounded strange to my ears. Your mother has become this