“If you had won, you would have been writing a How-I-Won post. But now, you are just going to pretend it didn’t happen?
“What is there to say? That I foolishly lost money after going against my beliefs?”
“If you had won, would you have kept quiet?
“Yeah. But I lost. So what is there to talk about?
“The lessons learnt. You still think there is no learning from there?”
And with my toothbrush still in mouth, I briefly stepped out of the bathroom, went into the bin to pick up the papers I had tossed in earlier.
If you are probably wondering who I was in a dialogue with? It was my head. Better believe it when writers tell you inspiration hits most while they are stuck in the bathroom.
The Main Story:
Saturday, June 21 was the last day for the Royal Ascot Games in England. A weekly horse racing festival held every summer since 1711. A festival which has the support of the Royal family who are horse breeders.
Gaiety was circulating in the air. And our group was actively soaking it up. We the Portsmouth crew having arrived before the gates opened, chose us a vantage position. Yes, our group consisted of attendees from across the country.
Then I woke up from a power nap. Apparently, my cancer recovery road is a marathon and I am tired of forcing a sprint. But yes, my body placed its demand and I acquiesced. What with a mere three hours of overnight sleep in my tank. So my body was running on residual fuel.
my photo of the card for betting
I woke up to find that our group was divided into two camps — the bettors and abstainers. Or to be politically correct I should say gamblers, right?
Now for the records, I grew up a Pentecostal church girl. What is known in those circles as a PK (Preacher’s kid). And one of the precepts is that we do not gamble. And as most matters of indoctrination, we simply follow willy-nilly until such a time as we have a readiness to question, doubt & defend our beliefs.
Therefore, I do not intentionally gamble. I pass over anything which involves betting and swearing. I recall growing up and constantly backing down from linking two pinkies together. My operating mantra with the world is: If my word is not enough for you, then go question your own beliefs.
After waking up, I saw that Prisca and Tonia, alongside others were betting. Last christmas at a party we attended, I saw both ladies win high value items at the raffle draw. Funny thing was as we were in the car heading out, Tonia briefly mentioned how she was going to win one of the big ticket items. Imagine my shock when she did win. While Prisca took home the 65″ TV.
I also know that not everyone wins at a raffle draw. Because in my lifetime, I have seen people who get picked in any competition they enter for. Which makes me conclude that they are lucky.
Initially, I ignored and maintained my stance. I do not bet. And even if I try, I do not win.
That was until after the first and second races. Both of them won. Although , a few other ladies in our team also won, it didn’t hold weight for me like that of Prisca and Tonia, the tried and tested duo I know of.
Thereafter, I allowed myself to be convinced or was it confused? “Live life a little, babe. you need to loosen up”. I goaded myself as I stood up and followed them to the Bookies
one of my cards
However, still unsure of how it plays out, I requested a quick tutorial from around. There was this guy I spoke to who after giving me tips, offered me his card to copy his numbers. And as he kept urging me, I felt he was coming on too strongly.
I already had written out the three numbers I wanted: 10, 14,& 2. None of which showed up on his own card. He had five numbers and encouraged me to copy them. He claimed those were the winning numbers as predicted.
Meanwhile, each number costs £4 and I was only willing to play with £12. I copied the number 5 from his. The other numbers I refused to copy telling him I was not willing to play £20 away. Somehow, I substituted his 5 for my 14 while ignoring the 8, 11 and others.
Another of my cards
After the race, the three winning numbers were 8,11 & 14! I stared in shock at the numbers. Not only have I missed out on the two numbers I could have copied from him, I also lost when I substituted my 14 for his 5.
Win or lose, there’s nothing like dancing in a fascinator with your best people.”
Lessons Learnt:
I felt numb as Prisca and another team member won £30 each with the numbers 8 & 11. That meant my £12 could have yielded £90! One lady in particular won at every game she played. She regaled us with their winning exploits during their last trip to the States.
Right until the following day, I felt a mixture of feelings — regret. Stupid. Loss. I permuted all the ‘what-if’ scenarios in my head and kept beating up myself
Below, I share the lessons I gained from that experience:
I found out the bettors, at least those I interacted with, know the rules of the game. A lady was lecturing us on how the french and Irish bred horses are better than the English bred. That, is something I was not even aware of. So despite looking at the manual, it would not have made sense to me.
Follow who know road is a Nigerian slang which translates to go with the one who knows the way. It speaks to the power of riding on the wings of those who has seen ahead. A stranger offered me his numbers to copy with a claim that the numbers were predicted to win….why did I not go with him?
There is no reward for hard. If that stranger was loudly selling his knowledge with some bogus claim of being an expert, would that have swayed my view? was it because it seemed so easy to be true? In life, there is no trophy for she who suffers most. Life is a tough ride already, so be gracious enough to accept soft landings when they show up.
Your beliefs affect your outcomes; I think I self-sabotaged. Much as I was willing to go with the flow for a change, there was still a larger part of my subconscious mind, yelling that I should not be doing that. Dissonance is a big part of failure.
Question your beliefs; I defended placing that bet by coming to a stark realisation. My entire life is a gamble. From that tiny spermatozoa which outran others to fertilise me, to every decision I had ever taken — loving another person, leaving my homeland, every job ever worked, all my career changes, deciding to keep the pregnancy instead of terminating it, deciding to treat cancer medically or shun science and go naturally….everything was a gamble..decisions reached as only probabilities.
In conclusion, right there as the war waged inside of me, a bible verse jumped at me. And as I ruminated over it, I realised that in the clash between values V beliefs, there is a room for both flexibility & rigidity.
We toss the coin but it is the Lord who controls the outcome — Proverbs 16:33
If you read till here, what part of this story resonates with you?
