Who Killed Our Men?

He picked me up from home and as we drove off I heard the male presenter on the radio talking about Society and Safety Net.

My interest was piqued when I overhead Free School Meals and Benefits. The Presenter was talking about it’s accessibility & relevance.

Citing an example of why Safety Nets are beneficial, mentioned women who have nothing to fall back on when their husbands drink away the entire money meant for the household.

I burst into rueful laughter and asked the driver

“So universally, we as a society have come to accept that this is a problem and it is okay for a husband to fritter away money and not care how the household manages?”

“my mom said she used to go and stand outside my dad’s office on paydays to enable her  collect the salary before he gets to a pub”  he was not laughing though

“are we then saying that you men are incapable of taking care of yourselves or just that women have spoilt these men? I mean just look at that picture; a grown man having his wife stand outside his workplace to hold him accountable”

“Well, I have always been an independent man. I left home and lived on my own for quite sometime before marriage. Taking care of myself alone helped me a great deal before I became a husband and father”

“That makes you one of the few.  It is not the norm though and I think we women are the enablers. We do everything for them all their lives and suddenly expect them as husbands to take charge”

“My mom is 86 yet she treats me like a boy. It is even worse with my sons; my first is 32 while my second is 27 yet she fusses. When I tell her “mom, they are grown men and can take care of it, she goes oh no they are just little boys”

“My second who lives in London earns more than anybody in the family.  2.5 grand monthly and yet my mom still sends him money. I have no idea what he does with his money except travel.

“I think it is a women’s thing. Not knowing when to stop with the smothering”

“again, I ask you as a man. is it that men are incapable or they get with a woman and to their initial shock which then turns to pleasure, find out the woman wants to mother them, which makes them simply fold up their arms and enjoy the coddling?”

his response was as I had feared;

“There are control freak women and there are those who never saw a man be responsible. Moulded to believe that everything about the home centres on the woman. Go to work, come home, sort out the kids and home without expecting nor accepting help from the man. They even tell you to get out of their way so they get it done how they want”

“back in my mother’s days, women stayed home although it began changing after the war.  By my time women were beginning to go out and earn, you would have expected them to change this story by making some demands of the men, yet I find it sad that you still see the women go out to work same as the man, come home and wants to do everything like in my mother’s days”

“Then you agree that we as the females somehow spoil these men. Because, there must be a certain level of confidence that makes a man reckless enough to squander everything and know that the family will still be okay”

We chatted some more and I remarked “You know this is so funny. I would think that this is an African or Asian world issue because of cultural expectations. My impression is that you Brits have it easier since……”

“Well, some behaviours actually cut across the entire human race irrespective of race or location” Joe smiled