“does he even hear?” I muttered petulantly as I envisaged myself walking away with a resigned look.
“you know he does”
“does he really care?”
“do you think he doesn’t?”
“flipping answer the question and stop throwing it back at me. I ask the questions here!” I screamed out in my head at the 6am dawn
“why are you digging for answers you already have” my head berated
“I am not even doing this with you. Why am I engaging you when I have direct access?”
“you really are enjoying this game, right?” I threw a defiant look upwards
“enjoying what?”
“this your roulette game”
“care to explain?”
“explain what? You know what I mean. Look at him – a mere creation – screaming and crying everyday over complete strangers. Yet, you, owner-creator merely sit there and watch”
“is that what you think?”
“yes”
“mere limited mortals whom you created are moved by and try their best to sort us out yet you the Unlimited who can wave a wand sit there and stare”
“you mean like I am staring at you now?”
I blushed.
“no reserve energy to do this with you this morning. Let me barely sit here on my mat by your feet, lay my head on your legs and together we listen to them pray. I will bask in knowing that Jesus did it all so there is nothing more for me to do but rest”
today is January 31 of the year 2024. I just cannot deal. I am too weary to contend”
“weary of body or soul?
“both”
I whipped open the device idlying away on my mat and began to type this conversation while the ongoing NSPPD prayers brayed
As Pastor Uguru began praying, I closed my device and sank into a child pose
“dear child of mine, is that how you really feel about me?”
“Father of mine, I do not know how to feel about you again. I simply do not grasp why you pick and select, do you know how it messes people’s heads up? Seeing the prayers of others answered while yours hang in the balance”
“what of those prayers I keep answering even the seemingly inconsequential? When you wanted money the other day did I not send Emina all the way from Dubai to you?”
“you see ehn, that right there is the issue. It really messes with my head. How you answer one waka-pass prayer just like that but ignore the heavy ones”
“you humans, not I, chose to grade prayers”
“all prayers are not equal, surely you do know that?”
“in this journey, I have seen you do crazy things including the ones I was not even aware of the need. That right there is the thing; your capacity, competence, reach is not in contention but the fact that you choose when to, is the issue here. Are you not just tired of this constant harassment? Ordinary mortals would eventually concede what you ask of just so they would have peace or is it that you do not like peace? anyway, I am done. I am hungry. Let me go and make oats to drink” I stood and headed to the kitchen
“Make oats to drink? Am I not the mean father?”
“what has it got to do with my oat?”
“Do you not see it – daily bread, sound mind AKA cognitive ability + fine motor skills, optimally functional organs. Still more, you have opened your bowels this early without stress – yet I am supposedly the father who does not care”
“they are not the same thing. Those ones are my daily benefits which you load my day with. Or do you want to act like those fathers who cancel our prepaid cards when we talk back? What you are doing is like a father handling CAPEX yet expects his little child to take care of OPEX of the home. That child did not ask to be born.
“this daughter of mine” Abba shook his head fondly with a smirk while I shambled off.
