“See, immediately we leave, take that Oramorph so you can sleep easily” Jay sounded more African than British right now. She was not suggesting. This sounded more like an instruction yet I pushed my luck
“I will try to manage without taking it. I prefer waiting it out than taking….”
“Enough of that African woman mentality. If you did not need the medication, the doctor would not have prescribed it” she admonished while Shay sided with her via nodding
I was outnumbered 2 to 1. And knew better to acquiesce.
“Alright, I have heard you. I will take it”
But she was not done with me.
“I know that as African women, they lied to us about some medal for she who suffers most. However, my years of living abroad has debunked that lie” We were conditioned from childhood to believe that if it is not painful or we do not suffer for it, then it is not worth it” I grimaced as the truth of her words slapped me
“I recall an incident years back when I went to have Sean”. Sean was her last child, now a teen
“We had newly arrived from Nigeria and been living in Ireland for about two years. During labour, as the pains tore at me, I kept refusing any medication they offered. Later on, one of the doctors who happened to be a Nigeria told me off”
“We have offered you an epidural, you rejected. Offered you this, you said no. Yet, look at the enormity of pain you are in. What is wrong with you Nigerian women? What is it with proving you can take on all types of pain? Someone is trying to make life easier for you, yet you want to prove that you are a Hebrew Woman?
Both Shay and myself shook our heads at the stupidity of it all.
Where ‘Hebrew Woman’ is the code for unassisted birth in Nigerian Christendom. [I might have to write an entirely separate article on that topic. Else we risk straying from this one].
“I am glad I was born and raised here. I like the soft life and do not compromise it. I see how our African women tend to embrace suffering like a competition” Shay piped in as she massaged my feet.
“I never forget that Nigerian doctor. Retrospectively, I cannot believe how I bore those pains just to prove what I do not know. Unfortunately, now as a medic, I still see our women sabotage efforts to help them” She sighed ruefully
“Amara, you will take the Oramorph and send us a confirmation before you go to bed” Shay chipped in
Meanwhile, they had come running with dinner after I sent out a terse message on our WhatsApp Group. “The week has been tough. Got quite bad in church and helped back home. Can’t cook. We need lunch”
Immediately, Bee had responded: “Amara, I am bringing food now”. She dropped off the food and departed before these two came over
They fussed over my young man. Ensured he was eating and no outstanding homework, ahead of tomorrow’s resumption from Mid-term break. Then left.
Fast forward, as the medication began to lull me into oblivion, from somewhere far away, I heard Fela’s song: Suffering and Smiling!
Suffer, suffer for world
Enjoy for Heaven
Christians go dey yab
“In Spiritum Heavinus”
Muslims go dey call
“Allahu Akbar”
Open you eye everywhere
Archbishop na miliki
Pope na enjoyment
Imam na gbaladun
{full lyrics here}
The older I get, the more I realise the stupidity of refusing help, suffering in the midst of plenty just to prove a point that is baseless
It’s all about our conditioning from the Cradle. Our duty now is to show other women, the strength in vulnerability, collaboration & community.