2025. Engerland

“Have you ever seen a little child before a mirror? Do you notice how taken by the mirror they appear?” Shana faced the room as her little boy tugged at her sleeve

“They glue their face to the mirror. Point at themself in wonder. Stick their tongue on the mirror. Smile in excitement. Step away and come back. All sorts of animated engagements and do you know why?”

It is a Sunday afternoon. We are sitting inside the Edwardian Queens Hotel in Portsmouth, South-East of England. At a women’s networking event and over 100 women across all ages are here.

Shana was anchoring the session on Affirmations. However, as she spoke, my mind tiptoed out of the room and sailed over the Solent towards another hotel.

2014. Naijeria.

The year was 2014. The place was the prestigious Oriental Hotel in the Victoria Island part of Lagos, South-West, Nigeria.

I was spending the weekend at the hotel with my toddler, Ismaila. And I vividly recall the moment albeit the significance was lost on me initially.

The hotel room was bigger than our one-bed apartment. I mean, the room and adjoining bathroom was bigger than my apartment. An apartment consisting of a sitting room, bedroom, kitchenette and a bathroom.

That, was my first impression as we settled into the space.

Then I noticed Ismaila was standing by the wardrobe tugging at the door.

I laid on the bed staring at him.

“What do you want?” I asked the tot

“Open it” he pointed

I helped him open it. Not caring that he was searching for.

It took the consternation on his face for it to hit me.

He had been staring at his reflection in the full length mirror! Seeing two of himself, kid wanted to meet the second him hidden inside the wardrobe.

That realization for me brought another; this was his first time seeing a floor-length mirror. What he was used to, was the mirror built into my wardrobe. And he rarely had any business with it anyway.

Furthermore, what stood before him here, was an end-end convex mirror.

That weekend was worth its cost in gold. It gave me a fresh perspective of life as I watched my boy explore.

All over the room and each time we stepped out. The hallways, the lifts, the poolside, the windows et al, kid was peering, touching, smiling and seeking.

Retrospectively, it was such a shame that the harried adult with him, had only jaded eyes. I only served as his escort for the weekend. Doing the motions, while he enjoyed himself.

Meanwhile, as I crept surreptitiously back into the room; I heard her voice

“Because that child is amazed at their own awesomeness. They keep coming back to that mirror in wonder and asking the mirror,

“is that really me?”

“is that how beautiful I look?”

“Unfortunately, by the time that same child is ten, we have conditioned him. We have rubbed off their wonder at life and boxed them into a corner”

“And that is how it is with us women. You have accepted every person’s definition so much that you no longer know who you are”

“You as a woman have to learn to see yourself as the wonder you are. Forget what you were told and build new neural pathways”

“Quit running away from your reflection in the mirror. Stand there like that little child. Like back when you were little. Preen and strut before the mirror. Laugh at your reflection. Stick out your tongue at Life and hype yourself!”

As Shana made us stand up to affirm ourselves, I smiled;

At the memory of that weekend years ago. At how counterintuitive it seems to remind mothers, daughters, grandmothers of a lesson which nobody teaches a toddler.