“Oh don’t bother moving, I can sit at the edge”
“No worries. We will shift for you” The first woman said with a huge smile
It was Carol Night at School. Although this boy in my home has insisted I not bother coming out, I went.
“Stop behaving like an orphan. I am still here and can attend my child’s school functions” I waved aside his concern. When I got there and watched other students walking in with their adults, I thanked Eleda mi [‘my creator’] for Life and strength
Of Etiquette & Familiarity Bias.
Seeking out a vantage view, I walked towards a bench where three parents sat. A black woman and two others. The black woman made no effort to move. Therefore, I sidled in, aiming for the end of the pew.
However, as I approached, the two women scooted over.
I gratefully plunked myself down. Seeing as Black sister made no attempt to remove the bulky coat on the seat, I helloed her and asked if it was hers
“My friend is coming. I am keeping this space for her”
“Hian!”
I did not have the reserve energy to engage with this Stone Age mindset. That antisocial attitude of reserving seats. A habit which simultaneously speaks to our belonging needs and our familiarity bias. How else can you engage with someone new and open up your world if all you know is all you know?
I moved the jacket closer to her and adjusted. [If no one ever taught you this lesson, take it from me now. It is bad etiquette to deny someone present a seat because of someone absent]
Our Cloud of Witnesses
“Good evening” I turned to the women next to me. They sounded Hispanic. Turned out it was Portuguese.
“Good evening” They both responded
“Wow, how are you? said the one next to me in a huge smile
“Is *Jason here?”
I turned to look at her. Who is this woman that knows me and my son.
It was *Mandy. A woman from The Hotel.
While in treatment, we had been housed in a hotel for months. That woman was one of the humans who saw me at my most vulnerable. And through that dreary winter of my life, her effervescent personality was a ray of sunlight peeking through.
“You remember us?” I was surprised.
“Of course, I remember you Amara”
“Is Jason here?”
“Yes. Somewhere at the back”
“You look very well. I am happy for you”
She introduced me to her friend.
“Which Group is your son in?” I inquired
Meanwhile, as we spent time catching up, I luxuriated in the feel good feeling of meeting these two women in one evening. Women who saw me during that Awkward phase of my Molting process. Women in whose eyes I could see an appreciation for emerging through that storm.
And fresh eyes, in which I see another reason to remain grateful for Life.
If you missed the first woman, read the encounter here
As I read, it felt as though I was present at the event. It is always a delight reading your contents.
Awww, Thank you so much Mosunmola! I try to write like a reader.
i am so grateful that you share this your gift of expressive writing with us. i laughed at the way you described the sisters who have not changed their mentality. i now know i should always behave better. Yes you are here. God bless you
Oh yes! Thank you for this feedback. That I got you laughing means that you got absorbed into the story. Grateful to be here for another Christman.