“My young son shat on himself because someone was in the toilet and he could no longer hold it in” I quipped in a low voice laced with pain as I recalled that incident.
I saw curious surprise on some of the faces in the room. It was a session where the topic was how to help new arrivals integrate into the community. The large divide in the room was so wide. Some of the attendants has never had any interaction with a black person outside of the office. And seemed clueless on anything to do with the BAME community.
“He was filled with so much shame as he stood by the doorway and did not know how to tell me. It turned out he was trying very hard to contain the remaining poop in his system pending when the bathroom opened up. The stool was loose anyway so I simply made him do it on the floor in the garden, then thereafter washed out the cemented floor with water myself”
This was weeks after we moved out of the hotel into a shared house. I guessed his system was likely in shock of the transition because he had not done Number 2 for a while now. That is usually his system’s response to any unfamiliar environment – shut down from doing Number 2.”
“I know what it took to manage our emotions afterwards. Yes, our emotions. He was sober throughout the day and I realised it was a combination of various emotions – top of which was shame and probably not knowing how I would react”
“Here was a child who had lived a comfortable life so far. Always had his own bathroom and toilet ensuite. Although, we constantly had people live with us, at least he knew it was his own home”.
“Now, he was the one moving into a stranger’s house in a foreign land. Sharing space and facilities alongside sharing a room with his ma. A room smaller than the one he left behind back home. Kid was constantly being reminded to ‘keep it down’ as a simple thing like descending the staircase was termed noisy. .
“In addition to that, it was the onset of winter. Consider that for a child who had transited from the hot weather of Nigeria. See it as plucking you out from the oven and plopping you straight into the freezer with no time to adapt to the room temperature”.
“Anyone here being to Nigeria or the tropics?” I asked the room.
A woman had been to Ghana.
“So you get the idea a bit” I said to the room
“I simply had to sit him down and talk through it. Apologised to him for putting him in such a situation while assuaging him that it was not his fault and it would get better”
“Nevertheless, the only emotion I felt was anger. I was angry with the man in the bathroom. A laid-back man whose attitude carried through even in the way he talked. That man would get into the bathroom and lounge there like it was his living room. A bathroom shared by four people!”
“Several times, we have had to knock on that door while he was in there. I mean we were all in this relocation thing together and putting ourselves through this temporary inconvenience. Emotional intelligence required him to not go into a bathroom which also contained the only toilet in the house and start having a party there”.
“It took quite some effort on my part to calm down and not have a word with him. I knew my circle of control was myself and my son. I had to manage our reactions and that was what I did”
Afterwards, both whites and the #BAME people would come up to thank me for having the gumption to broach that enlightening subject in such a setting. If only I knew the tap I had turned on. More stories coming………
My dear dear Boy. You had control oo I would have told the guy off. But I know it would mean nothing to a self centered human
I guess part of wisdom means knowing which fight to sidestep.