When Your Unmet Expectations Finally Get Buried

 

The Spice Girl’s Mental Health

 

May tiptoed down the corridor and opened the door slightly. She was being extra cautious not to wake anyone as it was a good hour before the dawn – she didn’t need any dissuasion or what her father termed common sense. Stepping into the courtyard, she felt the chill permeate through her clothing. For although it was early Spring, the weather was still trying to extricate itself from the throes of winter.

 

 

The security guard at the gate dipped his head in a bow as he closed the gate behind her. Long years of service in this family had taught him the vital lesson of staying out of May’s way – especially when she acts weird like now – no sane female from a respectable family should be out by this time.

 

 

Hefting the bag from her shoulders, she reached inside and removed the extra bag containing the herbs and spices.

 

May has always been a spice girl. Even in the dark days when her mental health worsened and had her wandering the streets, May always gravitated to the Spices sellers in the markets.

 

Those traders who sold herbs, incense and spices all knew her and her background. So they willingly threw some her way each time she passed by

 

Another form of chill coursed through her soul as flashes of those days struck at her.

 

“It was him. If it hadn’t been him” her eyes welled up

 

She had hurriedly put together the assortment of herbs and spices after the idea floated to her.

 

Tossing and turning all through the night, sleep eluded her. Neither the deep breathing nor the diffusion helped.

 

The diffusion of oil blends usually cleared her headspace. Tonight, however, the lavender and Ashwagandha scents she burnt refused to soothe her frayed nerves.

And despite the Valerian roots she brewed and kept seeping, sleep danced outside the fringes of her eyes.

 

Then the idea hit her – He was out there alone, exposed and unprepared for the journey ahead.

 

She knew what had to be done, and for the umpteenth time, she was grateful for her stash of spices.

 

Saffron, eucalyptus, aloes, frankincense, thyme, myrrh and the odd assortment – her stash was enough for the job. And working stealthily, May assembled a huge amount of spices within the hour. That was problem 1 resolved.

 

Problem 2 was going out alone in the dark. Then it occurred to her – Sally lived across from her. Sally did not require any convincing and followed her out. She brought along additional herbs despite May’s reassurances that she had enough

 

 

It was Sally, who suggested knocking on Jo’s gate. Jo came to the gate, alarmed.

 

When her security guard mentioned both women were alone, she presumed the men were hiding. But now, her anger rose as they confirmed the plot. Jo was the wife of a diplomat and the think-tank of the group.

 

“Have you gone loco again?” She hissed as May outlined the plan. We were there only two days ago. You know how impossible it would be to gain access. And even if we do gain entrance to the compound, how will we get to him? Have you thought about that?

 

“Not yet.” May confessed. One step at a time .

 

Eventually, Jo took along two of her bodyguards but was intelligent enough to hide them out of view as they approached the compound.

 

“No point antagonising the opposition. They would be kinder to women” she reasoned as the women braced themselves for the task ahead

 

All three women saw it at once. And instantly wiped the sleep from their eyes – it couldn’t be true – the gate to the compound was open and no soldier in sight.

Surreptitiously, they crept forward and called out the traditional greetings. No response. Edging closer, they entered the compound, yet no soldier. Energised, they quickened their pace to where he they left him on Friday and another shock – he was not there

 

Confused, the women scampered out and ran into the street.

 

They needed the men at this time to make sense of what this was. Andy, Pete, Jimmy and little Johnny all followed.

 

They eventually outpaced the women and strode into the compound to confirm what the women were blubbering about.

He was not there!

By the time the breathless women arrived, the men were leaving.

Bashed Hopes.

“Where are you all going?” May enquired as the other women looked askance at the retreating men

“Well, he isn’t there. We wouldn’t want the soldiers to meet us here if they return” Jimmy replied gruffly

 

“Is that all that matters to you? your safety – how about finding out where they have taken him?” Jo lashed angrily

 

“Well, it is finished – he isn’t coming back – as you can see” Pete replied grim-faced

 

It was little Johnny who walked back and placed his arms on May’s shoulder

 

“I feel you May. But our expectations have been buried with him. There is nothing more left here for us”

 

“You too?” exclaimed Sally in disbelief as the men disappeared from view

Buried Expectations

“I guess it’s time to leave” Jo’s voice was not her usual ebullient self.

May was not surprised after Friday’s incident. She has known Jo from Kindergarten nonetheless, Friday was the first time she saw her weep openly. As she spoke now, her voice cracked and Sally hugged her.

May shrank away from them as they both reached out to embrace her. She remained there as both women exited the compound.

Wearily, she sat on a stone and smiled wryly as she mused:

“It was you. You who gave me back my life and because of you I am a better woman. All these while, I never appreciated you because I figured there was still time. Besides, what could I have given you – who needed nothing?

 

She sat there wringing her hands as she resented how easy it was for the others to walk away. Moreso, those men!

The ones whom he had entrusted much to. Jimmy, Andy, Pete and Little Johnny – those men whom he poured so much into.

 

“What did you expect of them? she heard her mind speaking. He left them in the lurch with dashed hopes and dreams. Someone who asked them to forgo all and follow him, yet he couldn’t save himself from death. All that claim about being able to send a legion, now of what use is he to anyone?”

 

May felt the weight of her sadness. She felt sad for him, not herself. His body was neither washed nor anointed before burial.

 

The soldiers had seen to that. Treating him like a common criminal instead of allowing them to prepare his body for the journey ahead

 

Worse yet, they had evacuated his body and no one knows to where. She felt the tears sting her eyelids even as she heard the rustle of leaves. Frightened, she swivelled sharply and there stood two men. She had missed their approach.

“Sirs, did you take him away? where have you taken him? Tell me please so I can anoint his body” she rambled without pausing

 

“Mary” she whirled as she heard a voice that sounded like his. It was him or was it her eyes…..she moved forward on leaden legs, arms outstretched

 

“Master? is it really you?”

 

“Stop. Mary wait, you cannot touch me yet” his arms were extended away from him appearing to halt her

“Master?” her voice came out in a croak as she burst into tears and collapsed to the ground

“Go tell the others that I have risen. I need to go now but I will be back” he backed away gradually as her widened eyes trailed him

 

Looking around, she noticed the two men had also disappeared. In an instant, she was on her feet, racing into the street and screaming, bag of spices left behind. Peter’s house was the first she came to and found all the men were still there including Joanna and Salome. She burst out…..

 

“I saw him – he is risen. He sent me to tell you that….”

Wordlessly, they all exchanged that knowing sorrowful glances again, while thinking the same thoughts……are those demons in her head back again?