Gamziavo!
That was my father’s second favourite mantra.
Mr. Gamziavo, as he told us the story, was a stoic who puzzled all the villagers. He always seemed unnerved by happenings around him. While others rejoiced, he stood aloof. When others cried, he remained unaffected.
Why was he like that?
According to Mr Gamziavo there is no permanence in life. Everything is merely a phase which does not last. For that reason, he has learnt to take each season with a pinch of salt.
Therefore, Gamziavo became a sort of buzz word for us which means – this too will pass.
Meanwhile, curled up between the electric blanket and the duvet, I made space for Nicky Gumbel. He began to talk on Battles and Sufferings. That, Nicky says, describes the song & dance of how we morph through Life. Life brings us blessings and also battles.
While listening to him, I began to cry. The tears were a build up of overwhelm. I was overwhelmed trying not to get angry. The anger was coming from thinking about two of my friends diagnosed with cancer. Both had everything going for them before these curveballs. Like me, both had no family history of cancer.
As a person of faith, I know what I know. Albeit, my beliefs and convictions do not erase my questions. I think I will have questions till Christ comes.
One of my unanswered questions remains;
- why does the battle choose me when the war is not about me?
It was the crack of dawn and I was getting worked up. Anger directed at something beyond me. Anger at the injustice of someone breaking into your house and attacking you. Yet get away scot-free.
This particular anger was amorphous and had no target. It was different from the other type of anger when I was diagnosed. That anger was solid and searing hot. I initially hurled it at God. Later picked it up and threw it at the Devil. Then dusted off the remainder on myself.
However, right now, this anger had no target. It was the helpless searing anger you feel when an armed thief breaks into your house and desecrates it. I did not want it sucking me in. So I took a mental walk to a seashore. As I took this visual trip, I heard “as an eagle carries her young”
Startled, I smiled. That was enough.