My son got into detention in his first week in school, because

“The girl explained what happened but he didn’t want to say anything”

When I probed, he responded with “all of them were shouting at me and talking at the same time, so what do you want me to say?”

As a female whose default is to clam up and walk away, I visualized the scenario.

I am currently reinforcing 2 things to him;

• A. Stay and have your say instead of simply clamming up and walking away

This, I know, is a life skill in which most boys are deficient. Eventually becoming men who either ‘do not talk’ or ‘talk with their fists. Such bottled up frustration begins from birth when their sisters or female classmates talk as fast as a typewriter and seems to win every verbal battle.

• B. Stay and allow the other person to have their say even when you think it doesn’t make sense

This leads to tyranny where you become intolerant of the opinions of others. So you simply dismiss their views and feelings.

Meanwhile, from the day a son is born, we mostly leave him to his own devices. Parents focus on the girl child because ‘she is an egg which breaks’ Then ignore the boys since boys will be boys. We encourage them to play with fire so long as we do not get to hear of the burns. Unless in those rare cases where the flames blaze out of control, whereby we swoop in as firefighters.

Notwithstanding that, we discount their pains, confusions, questions, frustrations & expectations. We pretend that these boys are not being introduced way too early into the same vices we want to save our daughters from. Molestation by family members, friends and hired helps are never talked about. Because boys don’t cry and would not get pregnant.

We push them to shove their pains behind while encouraging the girls to ‘out with it’

Which then leads most, to journey through life, bearing their bursting luggage alone.

And today, we cringe at the deficiency as our boys enter the marketplaces and become interns, apprentices, colleagues, supervisors, lovers, partners, fathers.

As our sons interact, play and learn, who do they look up to?

Men, what one advice, which you wish your parents knew, can you share with a parent of a boy today?

InternationaldayoftheBOYchild #parentingtips #mindsetshift