It was my then best friend Ojochide who first pointed out my self sabotage. Unfortunately, my save-the-world glasses were still on then.
Teenage friends who met in Jos then transitioned to Lagos.
We were at the Tejuosho market, Yaba, that day when I began berating her.
Again she had lost her cool with one of those traders and went at him.
“Ke, just grow up already and stop all these your childish nonsense. Must you react to everything? You can ignore them and move on” I spoke in Hausa as I tugged at her arm
“ke ma, má bá mí sọrọ nonsense” (you too, do not tell me nonsense) she lashed out in a mixture of Yọ̀rúba & Hausa.
Chị́dé is a polyglot. When she vents, she does not care which language shoots out from her arsenal. Sometimes, I have to remind her that she has lost her audience.
While I dragged her along, she blurted
“I do not understand how you do this your maturity thing. Someone hurts you, you keep quiet and let them walk away free while you are in pain”.
“Babe, you know how mine happens. When I react, the focus shifts from what the other person did/said to how brutal mine was. Since I discovered this early, why then do something for which I would apologise for later?”
“I cannot do it. As e dey pain me, ẹ go dey pain dem too” (they must also feel the same pain they inflicted on me) she justified
“But we both came from the same Arewa and this is not how we behave” I argued
“That is the North. People there have sense and respect themselves. These Lagos people don’t. They will treat you like a fool if you allow them”
Truthfully? I have seen that humans tread cautiously around those who emit fires
Feelings, not logic, rule the world.
So this year, I am giving Life the finger on emotional intelligence.
Enough of putting others over myself. Massaging their feelings while trampling on mine.
As a good bible student, I choose, albeit late, to imbibe the wisdom of Solomon who admonished us to;
Be not overrighteous; neither make yourself overwise; lest you should become stupid. Eccl 7:16
I will be kind to myself and put me first. No more being the bigger person. I would become less left-brained and explore my right brain. I would speak before thinking. I would not make excuses for others.
This year, I have chosen to ditch my superpower – EI – for it has not served me well.
Selah!
Cover Photo Credit:
Johnnie Walker. Princes Street, Edinburgh